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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26736652">For the First Time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/abp/pseuds/abp'>abp</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>All the Times [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Julie and The Phantoms (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Best Friends, Coming Out, Crushes, Gen, Pre-Canon, Soft boys being soft, You could view it as pre-shippy (I don't but you could), aka it's set in the 90s</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:20:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,986</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26736652</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/abp/pseuds/abp</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex decides he's ready to come out to the safest person he knows: Luke. (And maybe he has a crush on Luke, but that's neither here nor there.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex &amp; Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>All the Times [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2006380</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>231</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>For the First Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Couldn't get this idea out of my head so here it is. &amp; not that it really matters, but timeline-wise the boys are 16 here.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alex watches from behind his drum kit as the other guys put away their instruments. Luke is talking a mile a minute, telling Reggie how sweet his bass line was one moment and jumping into ideas for their gig the next. It’s cute, even if Alex wills himself to not think so. He already planned what he wanted to say tonight, and the last thing he needs to do is overthink things and chicken out.</p>
<p>Because tonight Alex plans to come out. To Luke.</p>
<p>Alex wouldn’t say that Luke was his first real crush, except... he kind-of was. Somewhere in his mind, he had known he was gay long before he met Luke. He knew he didn’t like girls the way his friends did, for sure. And there had been some fluttery feelings and times he maybe stared too long at a boy on his baseball team. But admitting that to himself, let alone anyone else? No way. Until… Luke.</p>
<p>Honestly, it was hard to <em> not </em> have a crush on Luke. Luke, with his passion and intensity; his endless warmth and easy touches and a smile that could melt butter. Not to mention his <em> arms </em> and <em> butt </em>--and look, Alex was constantly behind him on the drums, he couldn’t avoid the view! But it was more than that, really. </p>
<p>Before Luke (and Reggie and Bobby), Alex was part of a different group; he remembers the way other guys would flinch away from contact or call things gay and people worse names than that. It felt like he couldn’t breathe with them--like he couldn’t move an inch for fear of doing or <em> being </em> something wrong. It’s not like that with Luke. Being with Luke, Alex feels like himself for the first time in a long time.</p>
<p>So maybe he does have a big fat crush, but he also thinks that with Luke… he’s ready to be seen. </p>
<p>“You killed it tonight, too,” Luke says earnestly as he’s packing up his guitar. </p>
<p>“Ah, thanks.” Alex missed the part where the other guys left, his mind elsewhere. But now they’re alone in the garage and Alex feels the nerves setting in. </p>
<p>“No really,” Luke insists. He looks up at Alex from where he’s hunched over his guitar case, closing the top. His forehead is scrunched, eyes determined as ever. “I don’t know what we’d do without you. You’re the only drummer I’ve met that really <em> gets </em> it.” </p>
<p>Alex smiles on reflex, some of his nerves melting away because it’s <em> Luke </em>. “Probably force Reggie to learn drums.”</p>
<p>Luke snorts as if that’s ridiculous and not the kind of thing he would sweet talk and puppy dog eyes his way into. “Hey, you wanna hang out for a bit?” Luke asks as he moves to flop down on the couch. “I don’t feel like going home yet. Mom’s on my case about a history test.” </p>
<p>“Yeah, sure.” Alex’s heart skips a beat and he takes his place on the couch maybe a little too eagerly. “I have to study for that test too. I mean, uh, not now. But… later.” <em> Get it together. </em> “We could study together.”</p>
<p>Luke smiles easily and drapes his legs over Alex’s lap as he leans back on the arm of the couch. “Good idea, my mom thinks you’re a good influence, she’ll love that.” </p>
<p>Alex smiles tersely, overly aware of every point of contact with Luke. And his hands… what is he doing with his hands? He grips the seat of the couch and tries to remember what normal people do with their hands.</p>
<p>“Hey, everything alright?”</p>
<p><em> Oh no, he noticed the hands, didn’t he? </em>Alex forces a smile again. “Yeah, totally good.”</p>
<p>“Okay. You just look...” Luke gives him a skeptical look, nudging Alex’s arm with his foot. “stressed.” </p>
<p>Understatement of the year. “Actually, there is something I wanted to tell you.” Alex isn’t sure how those words came out of his mouth, but he supposes it’s good.</p>
<p>“Sure. What is it?” Luke sobers and pulls his legs off of Alex, sitting up straight. </p>
<p>Alex looks at his hands and tries to remember the nicely worded speech he came up with over the past two weeks, but it all feels wrong now. “Well, um… the thing is….” He sucks on his bottom lip for a moment, then exhales. His eyes lock on Luke’s. Now or never. “I’m gay.”</p>
<p>Luke stares for a moment, seeming to be waiting for Alex to tell him he’s joking. After an uncomfortable beat, Luke finally nods slightly. “Oh, that’s--nice. I mean, I’m glad you told me.” </p>
<p>“You’re… cool with it?”</p>
<p>This time Luke doesn’t need a beat. “Of course,” he says determinedly. “Alex, you’re an amazing guy and so talented. You’re one of my best friends, no matter what.”</p>
<p>“Really?” Alex leans in, almost imperceptibly. </p>
<p>Luke matches him, eyes intense. “Really.”</p>
<p>Alex doesn’t mean to lean in further--it’s as if his brain turns off. It doesn’t even sink in what he’s doing until his mouth is a breath away from Luke’s and Luke jerks back. Alex’s eyes widen, his heart pounding, and he scrambles to his feet. <em> What was he thinking? </em></p>
<p>“Oh--shit,” Luke swears behind him, but Alex barely notices as he tries to right himself and run out of the room and never come back. At least until Luke’s hand is on his wrist, tugging him back around. </p>
<p>“Alex, I didn’t mean--that is--I--” Luke lets out a huff of frustration. His fingers are digging into Alex’s wrist and Alex can’t breathe. His brain is just screaming <em> what is wrong with you, you ruined everything, why are you like this </em>on repeat. </p>
<p>And then Luke’s hands are on Alex’s face and their lips are pressed together. </p>
<p>Alex’s brain shuts off again, going through a full reboot before he finally snaps to his senses and pulls back. “What was that?”</p>
<p>Luke stares at him helplessly. “Umm…”</p>
<p>“Did you just kiss me?” </p>
<p>“You tried to kiss me first!” Luke jabs Alex’s chest accusingly. “And then you were freaking out and I freaked out and--”</p>
<p>“And you thought, ‘you know what would make this better? The worst kiss ever.’”</p>
<p>Luke’s face screws up in disbelief. “Hey--I mean, it wasn’t my <em> best </em> work but, come on!”</p>
<p>Alex dissolves into laughter, face in his hands. He hears Luke laughing too.</p>
<p>When Alex catches his breath, he looks back up. </p>
<p>Luke is smiling tentatively. “Can we sit back down? No running out?”</p>
<p>Alex nods and sits, waiting for Luke to join him before he speaks. “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Alex--”</p>
<p>“No, listen a sec.” Alex stares hard at Luke until he puts up his hands in defeat. “You, uh, maybe figured out by now that I kinda like you. Like… that.” Alex feels his cheeks heat up but moves on quickly. “But I wasn’t going to do anything. I wasn’t planning to try and kiss you, I swear. I know you don’t feel the same--”</p>
<p>“I could! You don’t know!” Luke interrupts, because of course he has to. </p>
<p>Alex raises an eyebrow. “But do you?”</p>
<p>Luke hesitates. “Well… no. I mean, not really. Not like that.” </p>
<p>“Exactly,” Alex nods, though the way Luke phrased that <em> is </em> curious. “You’re my friend first, dude. Dumb crushes fade, and honestly? After that kiss I might be over it.”</p>
<p>Luke looks aghast. “I’m a <em> great </em> kisser!”</p>
<p>Alex grins. If nothing else, he knows how to push Luke’s buttons. “I dunno, I’ve kissed <em> girls </em> before and this was worse. All wet and lifeless, like kissing a fish--” </p>
<p>“Oh that is <em> it </em>!” Luke is grinning like a madman as he tackles Alex to the couch and makes a big deal of pretending to try to pin him into a kiss until Alex wrestles him off, dumping him on the floor. </p>
<p>Luke laughs from there for a moment before he half sits up. “I don’t mind, you know. The crush thing. I mean, it doesn’t change anything. We’re still best friends.” </p>
<p>Alex nods and the terrible mantras in his head start to settle down.</p>
<p>“And I’m sorry I kissed you,” Luke continues. “I didn’t mean to… I just, you looked so upset and I wanted you to know I’m here for you and nothing’s wrong with the way you are and I did the first thing that came to mind.” </p>
<p>Alex snorts. “Sounds about right for you.”</p>
<p>Luke shoves him gently. “I might not like you like that, but I like you a lot, Alex. I’d do anything for you.” </p>
<p>Ah right, that was why Alex had this big fat crush in the first place. Those earnest pleas and big hazel eyes that made him feel warm and safe.</p>
<p>“You’re a good friend,” Alex says, ignoring the flush on his cheeks once again.</p>
<p>Luke’s smile is like the sun and Alex has to look away. “So are you.” </p>
<p>After a moment, Luke pushes himself off the floor and takes his place back on the couch, bumping his leg against Alex’s. </p>
<p>Alex exhales deeply. It’s strange how much lighter he feels; he hadn’t realized how much all of this had been weighing him down. “Well. That was not how I planned it at <em> all </em> but I’m glad you know everything now. I’ve never… said any of it out loud before.”</p>
<p>“Really?” Luke's eyes widen a little, surprised and a tiny bit pleased. “I’m the first one you told?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Alex says quietly.</p>
<p>Luke seems to sense the gravity of it, placing a hand on Alex’s shoulder. “I’m here for you, if you want to tell anyone else. Or if you don’t.”</p>
<p>“Maybe, yeah.” Now that he’s said it, Alex thinks it will be easier to say it again. To the rest of the band, maybe, and his family. He’s not sure how they will react, but if Luke could take it in so easily, surely they could--if not immediately, then with time. “You think the guys would be okay with it?”</p>
<p>“If they’re not, then they’re out.” Luke says it so decisively that Alex’s jaw drops. </p>
<p>“What? Are you serious?” The band was Luke’s everything. To think he’d give it up for Alex…. </p>
<p>“Told you you’re a good drummer,” Luke grins lopsidedly.</p>
<p>Alex launches into a hug, more awkwardly squashed against Luke’s chest than anything. Something in him breaks in that moment and tears he didn’t know he had been holding in stream silently down his cheeks. It feels like… relief.</p>
<p>It takes a few moments for Alex to realize Luke’s arms are wrapped around him and Luke is rubbing gentle circles on his back. </p>
<p>“Sorry,” Alex mumbles into his chest. </p>
<p>“It’s cool. I said I was here for you, right?”</p>
<p>“Right.” Alex stays for a minute more, then pulls away and scrubs at his cheeks. “Thanks.”</p>
<p>“Just don’t make a habit of it,” Luke jokes, clearly feeling awkward. “I’m not, uh, great with that whole crying thing.”</p>
<p>Alex laughs. “Sure.” He smiles wryly at Luke. “Guess I ruined our hangout time, huh?”</p>
<p>“Nah,” Luke scoffs. “We can still hang while you study.”</p>
<p>“I think you mean while <em> we </em>study.” Alex says dryly, trying to hide his amusement.</p>
<p>Luke grins cheekily and ruffles Alex’s hair. “Yeah, definitely what I meant.” He hops off the couch then and holds a hand out to Alex. “Come on, we can stop for burritos on the way to my place. I’ll buy.”</p>
<p>Alex lets himself be pulled up. “Burritos?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, unless there’s a better ‘congrats on telling me you’re gay’ food.” Luke slings an arm around Alex’s shoulder, leading him out. “Burgers? Pizza?”</p>
<p>“You know that’s not… yeah, okay.” Alex shakes his head fondly. “Burritos are cool.” </p>
<p>“Awesome, I know the perfect place.”</p>
<p>Alex lets himself fall into another one of Luke’s whims and enjoy the moment. Whatever happens next--whether he comes out to the rest of his friends and family or not--tonight was weirdly perfect. And Alex has Luke.</p>
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